We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
