Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
