can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
