So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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