So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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