please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
