If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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