I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
