i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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