From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
