Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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