i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How does one acquire holy water?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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