A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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