I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
