I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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