Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Randomize