Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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