The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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