We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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