dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
