Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
