Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
