how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
