i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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