remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
