went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
