I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
