I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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