His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
