Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
