my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
