we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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