Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
