So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
