so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
