the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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