But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
