Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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