Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
