I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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