My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
