That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
