4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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