All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
