i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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