Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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