Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
