Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
