You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
