Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
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I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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