my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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