just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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