i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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