walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
