you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
