life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
