I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
