i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
