Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You dont lie about slip and slides
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
