is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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