i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Drunk is not a location!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
