Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
