i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
