talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
