what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
