i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would photoshop your dick
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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