Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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