it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Small penises have feelings too.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
