Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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