Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
