if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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