I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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