Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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