Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
