well I can't set my house on fire every night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
