If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
