Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
