): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
